Today I Cried. It Will Get Better.

Will it last forever?

Today I cried.

When I stopped to think about who I’ve become. I cried.

Where was the cheerful, immature innocence that I once had? 

I don’t know this person staring back at me in the mirror.

The degraded confidence, the empty stare. Who’s in there?

Where did the power, laughter, confidence go?  How can I find it?

I want it back. I need it back. I’ll have it back.

Hello.  It’s me.  

The struggle

What do you do when the challenges and storms of life have seemed to push you so far that the only way you can protect yourself is to hide in a shell of your true self? The storms keep coming and you wonder if it will ever end. You struggle to remember the last time you experienced true peace. It seems like such a distant memory. Meanwhile, you try everything you can to hold it together because surely the suffering can’t last forever. Can it? You pray to God to help you get through the pain. Life’s experiences have taught you not to ask that it stops, but that you can get through it… intact.

It will get better.

You decide to take inventory of all of the tough times that God has gotten you through and realize that every single time, you made it out. In retrospect, you realize that while the situations appeared devastating at the time, it actually helped you grow.  In every situation, you learned something. You realized that you are stronger than you could ever imagine. Today, you have increased patience, more endurance, and solid confidence.  

It does get better. 

In fact, when you think about it, you remember that dream from childhood. You realize that all of the life lessons you learned are tools you will need to accomplish that persistent dream from your youth -  the stubborn dream that never seems to go away.  You finally understand that the persistent dream of your youth is actually from God. 

After the epiphany, you take a breath and suddenly remember that after every storm, things do get better. Trouble doesn’t last forever.  

Don’t give up. 

James 1:2-4: “2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”